PAPUA NEW GUINEA
The Course of an Intrigue
To understand the effect of personal charm on the native, it may be helpful to present a typical Trobriand love affair against the background of Western romance. Love is precipitated with them, as with us, by the first shock received from beauty and personality; but a world of customary and cultural differences divides the after-effects of this. The initial barriers preventing a rapid sexual intimacy between two people in love, which are so characteristic of all higher civilizations, for us endow the beloved with inestimable virtues and enclose him or her in an area of holy and mysterious desirability. In men whose creative imagination is developed beyond their practical sense of the realities, such passionate attachments may lead simply to day-dreaming and excessive shyness in the romantic relation, or to such outpourings as we find in Vita Nuova or Petrach's Sennets. This shy, self-centred adoration, this extreme creative exaltation of the eternal-feminine - of the Beatrice or Gretchen leading man into the presence of God - is a real type of Western romance, standadized in some of the highest works of art, but existing also in many not gifted with the power of self-expression. The reaction against this same artificially-fostered mystery and the consequent idealization of woman, is seen with opposite results in the invective and indictment of Schopenhauer and Nietzache.
The man in the street, who sustains the same shock, does not write sonnets, but none the less he surrounds the object of his serious affection with a more temperate exaltation and worship. At the same time his emotion finds practical expression, and he seeks every opportunity for closer acquaintance. If liking ripens into mutual love, the affair will follow the customary course of courtship, engagement, and marriage. A man and woman may be driven by natural passion to the final consummation, athwart all social or moral rules, but it is none the less true that real love leads men and women of our culture, not to the direct satisfaction of the sexual urge, but to a gradual blending of sensuous elements with the general spiritual attraction. Personal intimacy in a full common life, legally sanctioned, is the direct goal of our romantic ideology, and the rest, including sexual relations, follows as a tacit implication.
Let us turn to an average Melanesian youth attracted by a girl who is not put beyond his reach by the taboos of kinship, social standing, or too great a difference in personal charm. In him, also, the first impression produces an aesthetic and sensuous reaction which transforms its cause into something desirable, valuable, and worthy of strenuous effort. but the feeling of mystery, the desire to worship at a distance or merely to be admitt4ed into her presence, is not there. The Trobriand boy has had many sexual experiences with girls of the same type as his new ideal; and, from childhood, the attraction of beauty and direct erotic approach have been intimately associated to his experience. He has not to stumble upon the final fulfilment of erotic desire, he immediately anticipates it. All the customs, arrangement, and codes of behaviour dictate simple, direct approach, as we shall see in the following description.
An interesting sidelight is thrown upon Trobriand courtship by the customs in other Melanesian communities, where the gradual approach and something of romantic love exist. In the nearest ethnographic region to the south, the Amphletts, and in the next one to this, which is inhabited by the Dobuan tribe, prenuptial intercourse is regarded as reprehensible, and custom does not encourage the free mixing of children in erotic games nor open untrammelled intercourse between boys and girls, nor institutions such as the bukumatula (bachelors' and girls' house). From a limited experience in the Amphletts, I received the impression that pre-nuptial intercourse hardly exists at all, and in Dobu it is certainly much more restricted than in the Trobriands. Correlated with this, we find a number of arrangements which allow of a prolonged courtship and which are symptomatic of a love not specifically directed towards sexual intercourse. I was told that both districts have love songs and that the boys court by playing on pan-pipes or on a jews'-harp; also that boys and girls meet at games and in amusements for the sake of personal acquaintance and social intercourse only. During the later stages of courtship and before marriage, a boy is allowed to visit his betrothed at her parents' house, but there is no cohabitation, and only conversation and caresses pass between them. A similar state of affairs exists with the Western Papuo-Melanesian tribes, among several of whom I conducted more or less prolonged investigations. These data, however, I submit with caution, and they are in no way comparable to my observations among the Trobrianders. They are based entirely on statements obtained from informants ad hoc, and not on the spontaneous material which comes to hand with long residence in a country.
The love-sick Trobriander, however, taught by custom to be direct in amorous pursuits, proceeds at once to the approved methods of approach. The simplest of these is direct personal solicitation. From previous descriptions of sexual licence, we know that there are numerous opportunities for a boy to express his desire, or for a girl to induce him to do so. this is perfectly easy within the same village community. When the two belong to different villages, certain festivals bring them together; they can speak to each other, and indulge in the preliminaries of love during games and dances, and in crowds; also they can arrange a future meeting. After that, by the ulatile and katuyausi customs, the meetings can be repeated, or one of the lovers may move to the other's village.
Another method is that of solicitation by an intermediary (kaykivi). This is used when the two communities are distant and, owing to the season, no personal approach is possible. A mutual friend, male or female, is begged to express the boy's admiration and to arrange for a rendezvous. The kaykivi is not, as a rule, lightly set in motion, for its failure, if this becomes public, draws down considerable ridicule on the solicitor. But if direct approach and the kaykivi are both for some reason impossible, the lover uses the most powerful way of wooing, that of magic, as the first step in his attack. It is sufficient to say in this place that almost all final success in love is attributed to magic, that both men and women believe in it deeply and trust it completely, and that, because of this psychological attitude, it is very efficacious. But a full account of love magic will be given in the following chapter.
Thus there is nothing roundabout in a Trobriand wooing; nor do they seek full personal relations, with sexual possession only as a consequence. Simply and directly a meeting is asked for with the avowed intention of sexual gratification. If the invitation is accepted, the satisfaction of the boy's desire eliminates the romantic frame of mind, the craving for the unattainable and mysterious. If he is rejected, there is not much room for personal tragedy, for he is accustomed from childhood to have his sexual impulses thwarted by some girls, and he knows that another intrigue cures this type of ill surely and swiftly.
Cases of Personal Attachment
Though the social code does not favour romance, romantic elements and imaginative personal attachments are not altogether absent in Trobriand courtship and marriage. this will become clear if we review the three phases of the love life of an individual discussed in chapter iii. In the easy erotic play of children, sympathies and antipathies arise, and personal preferences declare themselves. Such early sympathetic attractions sometimes strike quite deep. From several of my friends I learned that their marriage had its roots in a childish affection. Tokulubakiki and his wife knew and liked one another as children. Toyodala, whom I saw in despair after his wife's death, had been a friend of hers in childhood. Similar conclusions can be drawn from observations of children and stories of their behaviour. In a small way they try to win, to impress, and to catch the imagination of their playmates. Thus even at this stage some elements of romance are mixed with the direct sexuality of their playing.
At the second stage, when boys and girls amuse themselves freely with love-making, personal preferences are even more pronounced. They change frequently, but their imagination and feelings are unquestionably engaged for the time being. It is not difficult to overhear boys discussing the beautiful girls by whom they are attracted. One boy will praise his fancy while another disputes her supremacy; and, in his argument, the amorous yearnings of each will find expression. As to concrete instances, it was rather difficult for me to collect any circumstantial data either about children or adolescent boys or girls. But at the later stage, where attraction ripens into desire for marriage and matters are treated much more seriously, I had several opportunities for observation. The case of Mekala'i, a boy temporarily in my service, has already been mentioned. He was seriously in love with Boduela, of whom it was notorious that she slept with her step-father. The boy was very deeply attached to her, and though there was no chance for him to possess her in the immediate future, and he was not even allowed to visit her, for months he nourished hopes and plans for ultimately winning her. He was also obviously concerned to appear before her as a man of importance and influence. Another boy, Monakewo, had a liaison with Dabugera, who belonged to the highest rank. He often bewailed his low rank, which he knew would prevent his marriage with her. This disability he tried to write off by personal achievement. He boasted of his fine voice, his skill in dancing, his many abilities - some of which really existed - and how Dabugera valued these. When for a few days she was unfaithful to him, he would be evidently mortified; and on each of these occasions he wanted to persuade me to sail away from the island and take him with me, at the same time dwelling in imagination on how greatly she would be impressed by this decisive step, and on the fine presents he would bring back to her.
There are also cases on record where a man wants to marry a girl, does not at first suceed, but after a long period of yearning, wins his first choice. Sayabiya, a rather good-looking girl, had a lover from her own village, Yalaka, whom she was going to marry. Tomeda, a handsome man from Kasana'i, famous for his strength, his efficiency in gardening and his skill in dancing, made an impression on her and finally persuaded her to marry him. On my first visit to the Trobriands, I used to see a great deal of both of them, and found her one of the really attractive women, and him a very good informant. When I returned, two years later, he was living alone, for she had gone back to her former lover and married him. Magic, of course, was blamed, but unquestionably it was a return to the first love. My friend Tomeda was extremely depressed for a long time, and used often to speak to me about his lost lady with obvious longing. I left the district and did not see him for some six months, but a few days before sailing from the Trobriands I met him, painted and adorned on his way to another village - obviously in the role of a hopeful suitor, a to'ulatile. When I chaffed him, he confessed smiling that he had a new girl whom he was hoping to marry soon.
Another tangled amour was that of Yobukwa'u, a son of the chief To'uluwa. His sweetheart, Ilaka'ise, was married, for reasons of state, to his father, as the youngest of some twenty-four wives. After this the young man took another girl, Isepuna, whom he meant to marry. But he was unable to withstand the proximity of his former sweetheart, and it became notorious throughout Omarakana, the chief's residence, that he slept regularly with his father's youngest wife. This deeply offended his betrothed. At the same time Yobukwa'u's younger brother, Kalogusa, returned from a year's service on an overseas plantation. He was struck by his elder brother's betrothed, Isepuna, and an attachment sprang up between them. The situation was very difficult, for it is an extremely bad thing to take away a brother's betrothed from him. But love was stronger than moral considerations. Isepuna broke with Yobukwa'u and became engaged to Kalogusa. They were married a few months after my arrival in Omarakana. It may be added that in the meantime, Yobukwa'u married a very unattractive girl, Losa, but gossip has it that he and Ilaka'isi are still lovers.
Almost identical was the story of Gilayviyaka, an elder brother of Yobukwa'u. He also had slept with Nabwoyuma before her marriage to his father. Subsequently he married Bulubwaloga, a really attractive lightly pigmented brown-haired woman from Yalumugwa, to whom he was deeply attached. This, however, did not prevent his nightly visits to Nabwoyuma. His wife did not relish these, and spied on him; and he was caught one night in flagrante delicto, with the result that a very big public scandal quite overwhelmed him. He had to leave the village for some time, and his wife returned to her people. During my stay in the village, a couple of years after the event, he made several attempts to get his wife back, and was obviously feeling his loss keenly. On my last return to the Trobriands, I learned that he had signed on as a plantation hand, come home after a year, and died a few months before my arrival. The hopeless attachment of Ulo Kadala has already been mentioned. One case at least of suicide because of an unhappy love affair has been given to me by the natives.
In these examples we find elements of what we ourselves mean by love: imagination and an attempt to woo the heart through the imagination rather than by a direct appeal to the senses; steadfast preference, and repeated attempts at possession. In many of them, there is a pronounced appreciation of the personality loved and and of its power to enrich life or leave it empty. These elements certainly appear in unfamiliar combinations and in a perspective strange to us. The attitude to sex is different, and therefore certain characteristic elements of the Western sentiment are absent. A platonic attachment would be impossible. Above all most of the personal initiative in wooing is replaced to a considerable extent by the practice of magic. Such generalizations can only be approximate, but the facts given in this chapter and incidentally throughout the book, will enable the careful reader to gauge the differences between love and love making in the Trobriands and in our culture.
The Commercial Aspect of Love
There is an interesting side to Trobriand love that might either escape the attention of the superficial observer, or give rise to many misunderstandings. In the course of every love affair the man has constantly to give small presents to the woman. to the natives the need of one-sided payment is self-evident. This custom implies that sexual intercourse, even where there is mutual attachment, is a service rendered by the female to the male. As such it has to be repaid in accordance with the rule of reciprocity or give-and-take, which pervades tribal life, so that every gift, every service and every favour must be paid by something of equivalent value. The reward for sexual favours is called buwa, and the word is used with the suffix of nearest possession (buwagu buwam, buwala, etc.). This is perhaps merely a grammatical archaism. If not, it expresses an extremely close relation between the gift and both the giver and the receiver; in other words, that the gift is an essential part of the transaction, as indeed it is.
This rule is by no means logical or self-evident. Considering the great freedom of women and their equality with men in all matters, especially that of sex, considering also that the natives fully realize that women are as inclined to intercourse as men, one would expect the sexual relation to be regarded as an exchange of services in itself reciprocal. But custom, arbitrary and inconsequent here as elsewhere, decrees that it is a service from women to men, and men have to pay.
As to the size and nature of the gift, this varies with the type of sexual relationship. As we have seen, even small boys, imitating their elders in every detail, will give their sweethearts some small gift: a inch of tobacco, a shell, or simply a blossom. Boys of riper years have to give a more substantial present: half a stick of tobacco, a betel-nut or two, and, from time to time, a turtle-shell ring, a shell disc, or even an armlet. Otherwise a girl would object: Gala buwam, apayki, "You have no payment to give me - I refuse." And his reputation for meanness would spread, and interfere with his future conquests. In the later and more permanent intrigues, especially when they grow towards marriage, it is usual to give substantial presents from time to time rather than small gifts every morning.
When marriage is concluded, payment for sexual intercourse becomes the complicated family affair in which husband and wife, their household and the wife's family, father and children, children and maternal uncle are all involved. The personal account between husband and wife consists in her offering him permanent sexual accommodation, which he repays by all he gives to the children in love, care, and goods. The children, as we know, are regarded as legally hers, and not his. The early cares he bestows on the children, their education, and even his love for them are accounted for by this obligation. "The payment for sleeping with the mother," "the payment for sexual services of the mother" and similar phrases are repeated when the subject is discussed. thus the commercial aspect of love also, and very definitely, obtains in marriage.
It must, however, be clearly understood that the word "commercial" is merely used to describe the give-and-take principle in erotic relations, and that this principle is here, as in all other social relations, but one, and that not the most significant, aspect of them. Above all, it would be entirely erroneous to draw any parallel with forms of prostitution in higher cultures. the essence of prostitution is that payment is the woman's motive for surrender. In the Trobriands, love-making is as spontaneous on the part of the girl as on the part of the boy. The gift is a custom, not a motive. The institution is much more akin to our custom of giving presents to a fiancee or to someone whom we merely admire than to the institution of purely commercialized sexual services, which are the essence of prostitution.
Jealousy
One more question intimately conceived with the problem of personal attraction remains to be discussed. Love strives not only for possession but for monopoly; hence the strong emotional reaction of jealousy. It has been affirmed by several ethnographers of tribes with great sexual freedom, that jealousy does not exist among them. In support of this, nothing more is adduced than the simple fact of licence. But the connection between licence and the absence of jealousy is by no means self-evident.
In the Trobriands, in spite of considerable licence, jealousy certainly exists. A man who desires a girl will not easily give way to a rival, as the frequent quarrels and fights occasioned by sexual rivalry bear witness. Nor will a man who has established some rights over a woman, whether of marriage or of engagement, or merely of a liaison, tolerate any infringement of these. There exists among them, in fact, both the jealousy of passion and that colder type based on ambition, power, and possession. As we know, relations within the bukumatula (bachelors' and unmarried girls' house) are subject to a definite code, and the infringement of individual rights is deeply resented and considered reprehensible. As we also know, adultery is a grave offence, punishable even by death. Among young boys and girls serious enmities and fights have been known to arise from one encroaching on the preserves of another, and even among children, fights are occasioned by jealousy.
This passion, however, is, as are all others, susceptible to social influence. When custom demands that a man should surrender his sweetheart, and this can be honourably done, he will submit. This happens, as we know, in the case of visiting kula strangers, and of youths who are guests in a village where a death has recently occurred. Also, there are occasions, less readily condoned, where girls goon a katayausi or steal out of the village to meet an ulatile party. I was impressed by what might be called the reverse side of jealousy. The way in which boys would complain to me about such custom-sanctioned defection; the way in which they dwelt on the subject and described it with apparent depression, but not without some morbid curiosity; and the insistence with which they would return to it; gave me the impression that there was for them some element of pleasurable excitement in the situation. Whether jealousy among the Trobrianders is an emotion with two almost directly contradictory feeling-tones which alternate, the one strongly unpleasant, and the other somewhat pleasurable and sexually stimulating, it is difficult to say. But one or two facts as to the relation between native women and white men throw additional light on the subject.
Thus it is a notorious fact that Sinakadi, an important but impecunious chief of Sinaketa, prostitutes his wives to white men. He is old now, and is said to have married a young girl specially for this purpose; but he began the practice long ago, according to common report, even before a government station was established on the Trobriands. One of his sons, now a young man, is doing exactly the same thing. A white trader told me what he knew a native who seemed very much attached to and extremely jealous of his comely young wife. This native used to procure girls for the trader. On one occasion when he was unable to find anyone else, he grought his wife, and waited for her on the doorstep. Such facts throw an interesting side-light on the working of jealousy in these natives.
The social, cultural, and directly emotional motives in jealousy will be more easily isolated by distinguishing its several types with their corresponding sanctions. In the first place there is jealousy which springs from infringement of rights rather than from thwarted instincts or wounded feeling. The taboo on the chief's wives is an example, and in former times was extremely strict. Even in the case of a very old man, who was neither attached to his young wives nor even living with them, adultery would constitute a capital offence. The misconduct of To'uluwa'a wives with his sons, a case in point already quoted, and the adultery of the case in point already quoted, and the adultery of the wife of M'tabalu, would never have been condoned in the old days. But even the wife of a commoner, if caught in flagrante, might have been killed with her lover. This kind of jealousy, arising from purely social considerations, is also expressed in the close watch kept over the widow by the dead man's relatives.
In the second place there is the jealous resentment of infidelities which interfere with a permanent relation. this emotional reaction is present, together with the social one, in the concrete instances quoted in the foregoing paragraph.
Finally, there is the pure sexual jealousy from thwarted impulse or desire which will impel a man or a boy to violent and vindictive actions.
Beauty, Colour, and Scent in Love-making
We know by now how a Trobriand girl and boy are first attracted to each other, how they come together, how their intrigue develops, leading to separation or marriage; but we know little as yet of the way in which two lovers spend their time together and enjoy each other's presence.
In this as in all other aspects of Melanesian tribal life, custom and convention dictate to a large extent even the details of behaviour. Individual deviations always exist, but they fall within a relatively narrow range; much narrower unquestionably than at our own culture level. A lover does not expect from his or her partner the improvisation of a love rhapsody, but rather a properly executed repetition of traditional routine. The places in which it is desirable to make love, the manner of making it, the very types of caress, are defined by tradition. Independent informants would describe exactly the same procedure almost in the same words. The word kwakwadu is a technical term which signifies something like "amorous transactions" or "being together for purposes of love". It would be easier perhaps to express it in German, as erotisches Beisammensein, or by the American colloquialism "petting party" or petting session". English speech habits are, unfortunately, refractory to stereotyped terminology, except in matters of morality. The kwakwadu has a wide meaning. It signifies a collective excursion, or party of several couples setting out on a love picnic; the being together of two people who are in love with each other - a sort of erotic tete-a-tele; the caresses and approaches before the final union. It is never used euphemistically to designate the sexual act. At a collective picnic some of the games described in the previous chapter are first played in common, and afterwards the lovers seek solitude two by two. We shall attempt to reconstruct the behaviour of a pair who have left such a party, or else started off alone in order to enjoy each other's company in some favourite spot.
The scrub surrounding the village, which is periodically cut for gardens, grows in a dense underbush and does not everywhere offer a desirable resting place. Here and there, however, a large tree, such as the butia, is left behind for the sake of its perfumed flowers, or there may be a group of pandanus trees. Pleasant shady places, too, can be found under an old tree in one of the groves which often mark the site of a deserted village, whose fruit trees, coco-nut-palms, and big banyons make an oasis within the stunted tropical undergrowth of recent cultivation. On the coral ridge (raybwag) many spots invite a picnic party. Cavities and hollows in the coral, rocks of queer or attractive shape, giant trees, thickets of fern, flowering hibiscus make the raybwag a mysterious and attractive region. Especially delightful is the part which overlooks the open sea towards the east, towards the islands of Kitava, Iwa, and Gawa. The roar of the breakers on the fringing reef, the dazzling sand and foam and the blue sea, provide the favourite surroundings for native love making, and also constitute the scene in which the mythical drama of incestuous love has been laid by native imagination.
In such places the lovers enjoy the scent and colour of the flowers, they watch the birds and insects, and go down to the beach to bathe. In the heat of the day, or during the hot seasons, they search for shady spots on the coral ridge, for waterholes and for bathing places. As the cool of the evening approaches they warm themselves on the hot sand, or kindle a fire, or find shelter in some nook among the coral rocks. They amuse themselves by collecting shells and picking flowers or scented herbs, to adorn themselves. Also they smoke tobacco, chew betel-nut, and, when they are thirsty, look for a coco-nut-palm, the green nut of which yields a cooling drink. They inspect each other's hair for lice and eat them - a practice disgusting to us and ill-associated with love making, but to the natives a natural and pleasant occupation between two who are fond of each other, and a favourite pastime with children. On the other hand, they would never eat heavy food on such occasions and especially would never carry it with them from the village. To them the idea of European boys and girls going out for a picnic with a knapsack full of eatables is as disgusting and indecent as their kwakadu would be to a Puritan in our society.
All such pleasures - the enjoyment of landscape, of colour and scent in the open air, of wide views and of intimate corners of nature - are essential features in their love making. For hours, sometimes for days, lovers will go out together gathering fruits and berries for food and enjoying each other's company in beautiful surroundings. I made a point of confirming these particulars from a number of concrete instances; for, in connection with the question of romantic love already discussed, I was interested to know whether love making had direct satisfaction only for its object, or whether it embraced a wider sensory and aesthetic enjoyment. Many of the pleasures which enter into general games, amusements, and festivities, also form part of personal kwakwadu. Of course, love is not made only in the open air; there are also special occasions for bringing lovers together in the village. The special institution of the bukumatula and the more provisional arrangements of younger people have been mentioned ... In the village, however, privacy is almost impossible except at night, and the activities of lovers are much more curtailed. they lie next to each other on the bunk and talk, and when they are tired of this, proceed to make love.
The Conversation of Two Lovers
It is not easy to reconstruct personal conversations which in their nature take place under very intimate conditions and without witnesses. A question couched in such general terms as "What do a boy and a girl talk to each other about at a kwakwadu? is likely to be answered by a grin, or, if the man is familiar with the ethnographer, by the standard reply to all difficult questions: Tonagowa yoku, "you fool"; in other words, "Don't ask silly questions." From the spontaneous confidences of some of my friends, however, I obtained some glimpses into what passes during these tete-a-tetes. A boy would often repeat, for the sake of impressing me or just to give me some definite news, what a girl told him and what he replied, or vice versa. There is no doubt that the Trobriand lover boasts freely to his sweetheart and expects a sympathetic listener and an enthusiastic response. I have already mentioned how Monakewo used to tell me of the great impression he had made on Dabugera and how greatly she admired his exploits and virtues. Mekala'i was equally certain that Bodulela was deeply impressed by any achievements which he related to her. Gomaya, a young chief of Sinaketa and an incurable braggart, would tell me how his betrothed, to whom he was plighted in infancy, would wonder at his stories of personal excellence, of magical knowledge and of overseas adventure. In fact, whenever a Trobriander went into details about his love affairs, the impression made on his mistress would never be absent from his account, and would be related to me, in native fashion, as fragments of an actual conversation.
Gossip about other people's business, and especially about their love affairs, is also a common subject of conversation between two lovers; and on many occasions much of it ultimately came my way, in that a boy would repeat what he had heard from his sweetheart. For the rest, they talk of what they are doing at that moment, the beauties of nature, and of the things they like or do not like. sometimes, too, a boy will vaunt his exploits in those pursuits in which women do not usually participate, such as kula expeditions, fishing, bird-snaring, or hunting.
Thus a love affair may be set in a rich context of general interest, both as regards mutual activity and conversation; but this varies with the intelligence and the personality of the partners. Ambitious, imaginative people would not be content with mere sensuous pleasure; but the obtuse and limited would proceed no doubt, directly to the cruder stages - the usual caresses and the sexual act.
Erotic Approaches
The place occupied by the kiss in South Sea communities is of general and perennial interest. It is a widely prevalent opinion that kissing is not practised outside the Into-European horizon. Students of anthropology, as well as frequenters of comic opera, know that even in such high civilizations as those of China and Japan the kiss as a gesture in the art of love is unknown. A European shudders at the idea of such cultural deficiency. For his comfort, it may be said at once that things are not so black as they look.
to get at the facts and to see these in their right perspective, the question must first be put more precisely. If we ask whether lip-activities play any part in love making, the answer is that they certainly do. As we shall see, both in the preliminary caresses and in the later stages, the mouth is busy. On the other hand, if we define kissing more precisely as a prolonged pressing of mouth against mouth with slight intermittent movements - and I think that all competent authorities would agree with such a definition and with the proposition that this is the main erotic preliminary in Europe and the United States - then the kiss is not used in Trobriand love making. Certainly it never forms a self-contained independent source of pleasure, not is it a definite preliminary stage of love making, as is the case with us (Western culture). This caress was never spontaneously mentioned by the natives, and, to direct inquiries, I always received a negative answer. The natives know, however, that white people "will sit, will press mouth against mouth - they are pleased with it". But they regard it as a rather insipid and silly form of amusement.
Kissing in the narrow sense is also absent as a cultural symbol, whether as a greeting, an expression of affection, or a magical or ritual act. The rubbing of noses (vayauli) as an act of greeting is rare, and never done except between very near relatives; it is said that parents and children or husband and wife would thus celebrate their reunion aft4er long separation. A mother who is constantly petting her small child, will frequently touch it with her cheek or her lips; she will breathe upon it, or, putting her open mouth against its skin, caress it gently. but the exact technique of kissing is not used between mother and child, and in no form is it so conspicuous with them as with us. The absence of kissing in the narrower sense brings us to a deeper difference in love making. The natives, I am convinced, never indulge in erotic caresses as a self-sufficient activity; that is, as a stage in love making which covers a long period of time before full bodily union is accomplished. This is a local and not a racial character, for I am equally convinced that among other Melanesians, in Dobu and probably among the Motu, in the Sinaugolo and Mailu tribes, engaged couples do meet, lie together, and caress each other without cohabitation.
The comparison, however, cannot be satisfactory, for my knowledge of the latter tribes is much less complete than in the case of the Trobriands, and so I can only suggest a subject for further research. It is extremely important to know whether the nature of preliminary love is correlated with the level of culture, or with the social regulation of it - above all, with the moral restrictions condemning prenuptial intercourse. We have spoken rather fully about kissing, to satisfy a general curiosity on this point. Let us now observe the behaviour of two lovers alone on their bunk in the bukumatula, or in a secluded spot in the raybwag or jungle. A mat is usually spread on the boards or on the earth, and, when they are sure of not being observed, skirt and pubic leaf are removed. They may at first sit or lie side by side, caressing each other, their hands roaming over the surface of the skin. Sometimes they will be close together, their arms and legs enlaced. In such a position they may talk for a long time, confessing their love with endearing phrases, or teasing each other (katudabuma). So near to each other, they will rub noses. but though there is a good deal of nose-rubbing, cheek is also rubbed against cheek, and mouth against mouth. Gradually the caress becomes more passionate, and then the mouth is predominantly active; the tongue is sucked, and tongue is rubbed against tongue; they suck each other's lower lips, and the lips will be bitten till blood comes; the saliva is allowed to flow from mouth to mouth. the teeth are used freely, to bite the cheek, to snap at the nose and chin. Or the lovers plunge their hands into the thick mop of each other's hair and tease it or even tear it. In the formulae of love magic, which here as elsewhere abound in over-graphic exaggeration, the expressions, "drink my blood" and "pullout my hair" are frequently used. This sentence, volunteered by a girl's sweetheart, describes his erotic passion:
Erotic scratches are an even more direct way of hurting and of drawing blood. We have already spoken of these as the conventional invitation of a girl to a boy. We also described their place in tribal festivities. but they are also a part of intimate love making, and a mutual expression of passion:
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